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This week has just been really bad and it’s only Tuesday and I’m in so much pain and I have a math test tomorrow and we can’t use calculators and that makes me really really nervous and I just can’t stop crying and I just want to feel better so I don’t have to do all of this shit that’s already hard at like a 6-8 on the pain scale. I’m just really upset.

For the record, I really hate arguing. It takes a lot out of me and knowing that after calling a person out on offensive comments they’ll be super mad and upset with me. But I can’t let people go on making offensive and harmful comments without saying anything. I’ll put up a hard front but it really hurts me. Like especially when the other person calls me names or fights me.

Getting one last bitchy comment in and then blocking the person is really immature. I explained myself and even apologized but now you won’t get that because you had to have the last woe and win. That’s your loss.

Are you ever in a ton of pain and you just kind of think to yourself, “a regular person would be in the ER right now”

I feel like the more I ask for accommodations or like the more I do classes online because of my back the more “I’m letting my disability define me” or whatever the ableists say. And I know that’s not true and that’s my internalized ableism coming forward but it’s hard because I want to be normal and I want to do things in the normal way and now my “disability” is becoming more visible because I need accommodations and I mean I’m fine telling people about my disorders and illnesses but like I like telling them. When they see me walking into a class looking perfectly healthy and then I go towards the accommodations, I don’t get to tell them, they just get to assume and I really don’t like it.

I really just want to scream and cry into my pillow until all the pain drains out of me

I’m literally on the smallest dose of my medicine and my mom is fighting me about increasing the dosage even though my doctor has told us several times that I have a lot of room to increase it by.




I just pictured college as this really fun experience where I would make new life long friends and even find the love of my life but that hasn’t happened at all. I’ve been here for two terms and I haven’t met anyone who would consider me as their friend.

i think the difference is community vs state colleges like/? i actually got really really badly depressed after my first couple terms because i thought the same thing and i also didn’t really make any friends (at least, any that lasted longer than the term i met them) and i’m going to be transferring to southern next year which is 4 hours away and i’m feeling like being on my own in a town where i don’t know anyone is sort of my opportunity to be outgoing and make friends like??

yeah i don’t know where i was going with this but i felt the same way when i first started college and i think everyone does (a friend i hadn’t talked to in years ended up hanging out with me for awhile because we were both suffering this really badly)

so just hang in there u kno and don’t let it get you down. i’ve learned to just enjoy the couple of new friendships each term and let them go when the term ends. it’s less sad when you get used to the pattern, i guess.

Yeah I guess that’s true. It just gets frustrating sometimes. But you did help like I’m sure at a 4 year it’ll be a little better because I’ll be taking classes that actually go towards my degree instead of dumb prerequisites so there’ll be a common interest. 

I just feel like I’m not doing anything with my life like I do the same thing everyday, I go to school, come home, do homework and then watch T.V and chill on my phone and I want to live a different life but it’s hard when you only have one friend that you can see/hang out with and our schedules never line up.

17.Depressed.Anxiety. I've gone through having an eating disorder, to cutting. I have kyphoscoliosis which causes me to suffer from constant back pain. This is a blog where I can complain or talk about anything.

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