Still being underweight after recovering from disordered eating sucks. I’ve gained like 30 pounds and am eating a healthy amount but I’ve always been underweight, even before my disordered eating. Like I just can’t put on weight. It just sucks because when I tell people I’ve recovered from disordered eating I feel like they don’t believe because I’m still thin.
What’s weird to me is how close minded people get about things they’re arguing against. Whether it be racism, sexism, ableism, etc. I know people who are so dense about these issues they wont let people even ask questions. I see posts all the time in which people say, “I don’t understand this aspect of ableism, could someone please explain why this isn’t okay?” and people will yell at them for not understanding and even questioning that. I don’t understand why anyone would do that. People are so uneducated as it is, and then they reach out for help and they’re attacked, why would they change their ways after that? I’ve even lost relationships I gained on this website because I questioned certain issues and they said “You can’t understand because you’re not oppressed” and then ignored me from then on. No, I’m not oppressed and I’ve never claimed that I was. I never said I understood either. Why should I if I’ve never experienced it? Why don’t you help people out instead of turning them away and further damaging your cause?
I hate this whole idea that you have to love your family because they’re family. I have a family member who makes fun of me every time he comes over. I end up crying anytime he’s around. Not just fun teasing. He makes fun of my medical problems. He tells me my career choice is stupid and I’m not going to make money. These things really hurt me because I’ve had such a hard time with those. If this was anyone else would you be telling me that I needed to like them? No. People can be family and still be toxic. Don’t tell me that I should go through that pain because we share some genes.
First you make fun of my medical issues. Then you make fun of my career choice. You’re family. You shouldn’t be doing this. How about you stop coming over
hahaha you know what sucks? when even your family doesn’t care about what you have to say hahaha
I used to be so lonely. Like always needing a relationship. Always being infatuated with somebody. And now I don’t have any romantic interest or any interest in dating at the moment. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because my first and only relationship was so fucked up. Like what if that just turned me off from dating as a whole?
I don’t know.
It makes me sad how winded I get simply going upstairs or walking from my car to class. And it’s not even like I get out of breath it’s like my heart rate goes up so rapidly I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t know.
I hate looking at myself in the past. I don’t even believe it’s me. It doesn’t feel like me. I feel sorry for her.
What’s weird to me is how no one seems to have recovered from disordered eating the same way I have. Everyone has gone through therapy, or hospital stays, and that’s great like do whatever it takes to recover. But when I did it it’s just like something in my brain shifted. I looked in the mirror and saw how thin I was getting. I felt the hunger I had always been feeling but in a different way. And when I felt and saw that I needed to make a change. So I started that change and it took some time for sure but I decided it needed to be done