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I feel like the more I ask for accommodations or like the more I do classes online because of my back the more “I’m letting my disability define me” or whatever the ableists say. And I know that’s not true and that’s my internalized ableism coming forward but it’s hard because I want to be normal and I want to do things in the normal way and now my “disability” is becoming more visible because I need accommodations and I mean I’m fine telling people about my disorders and illnesses but like I like telling them. When they see me walking into a class looking perfectly healthy and then I go towards the accommodations, I don’t get to tell them, they just get to assume and I really don’t like it.


I really just want to scream and cry into my pillow until all the pain drains out of me


I’m literally on the smallest dose of my medicine and my mom is fighting me about increasing the dosage even though my doctor has told us several times that I have a lot of room to increase it by.


:’(


ridethatcyclone:

chronically-fabulous:

I just pictured college as this really fun experience where I would make new life long friends and even find the love of my life but that hasn’t happened at all. I’ve been here for two terms and I haven’t met anyone who would consider me as their friend.

i think the difference is community vs state colleges like/? i actually got really really badly depressed after my first couple terms because i thought the same thing and i also didn’t really make any friends (at least, any that lasted longer than the term i met them) and i’m going to be transferring to southern next year which is 4 hours away and i’m feeling like being on my own in a town where i don’t know anyone is sort of my opportunity to be outgoing and make friends like??

yeah i don’t know where i was going with this but i felt the same way when i first started college and i think everyone does (a friend i hadn’t talked to in years ended up hanging out with me for awhile because we were both suffering this really badly)

so just hang in there u kno and don’t let it get you down. i’ve learned to just enjoy the couple of new friendships each term and let them go when the term ends. it’s less sad when you get used to the pattern, i guess.

Yeah I guess that’s true. It just gets frustrating sometimes. But you did help like I’m sure at a 4 year it’ll be a little better because I’ll be taking classes that actually go towards my degree instead of dumb prerequisites so there’ll be a common interest. 


I just feel like I’m not doing anything with my life like I do the same thing everyday, I go to school, come home, do homework and then watch T.V and chill on my phone and I want to live a different life but it’s hard when you only have one friend that you can see/hang out with and our schedules never line up.


I just pictured college as this really fun experience where I would make new life long friends and even find the love of my life but that hasn’t happened at all. I’ve been here for two terms and I haven’t met anyone who would consider me as their friend.


It makes me really sad that I literally only have one friend who still lives in the same city as me.


I just kind of feel like I’m doing this whole college experience wrong. I haven’t made like any friends and the only person who has showed interest in me turn into a fucking stalker. I mean like I’ve exchanged numbers with like one girl but we just text each other about homework, like not friendship. And I mean I always talk to the people I sit by in class but it never turns into anything like once class is over we never talk again. Like how do people make friends someone please teach me.


I’m like fuming mad and I need to calm down before I do something stupid





17.Depressed.Anxiety. I've gone through having an eating disorder, to cutting. I have kyphoscoliosis which causes me to suffer from constant back pain. This is a blog where I can complain or talk about anything.

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